Changing Gears

So, in order to lighten things up here, I'm going back to amusing observations I've made recently. In fact, these observations are only a day or two old.

Cancer Gala

on August 6^th at the Rod N Reel in Calvert County, Maryland. Now, let's be fair. I included all the information I know because it's probably a very worthy cause. But, seriously... a Cancer Gala? Isn't a gala a joyous event where you try to raise money to benefit some cause or another? Oh, wait, I see what you're saying. It's an anti-cancer gala. Perhaps they are raising money to fund stem-cell research ... ... ... Oh, wait, it's Calvert County. They're probably not (though I hope they do!).

Drumming and Driving

on the Beltway no less. What really makes this especially interesting is that in many places, it is illegal to drive while talking on a handheld cell phone. But apparently, we don't need to tackle things like ... dogs on laps while driving. I mean, that's completely safe. It's not like the dog has a will of its own. I mean, it couldn't possible pee on you causing you to freak out (because you're not especially interested in R. Kelly's favorite form of foreplay) and swerve into my car. Similarly, drumming - with drumsticks - on the steering wheel - as though it was a really poor snare drum - is also acceptable.

ONLYGOD

a vanity plate. Yes, a vanity plate. Now, I'm not especially religious these days, but even during the time I was, I thought that mixing God and vanity was rather oxymoronic. However, this particular plate caught my attention for some special reasons. FIRST: it was a Maryland plate - Virginia I can understand because it has the highest per capita vanity plate of all the 50 states. But Marylanders don't have them as much. SECOND: the phrase ends with "... can judge me." Whenever people say something like - "Only God can judge me" it usually means they're guilty of something, and they feel bad about it. Maybe they didn't kill someone, but maybe they lied about something. Or maybe they didn't tithe last weekend. Or maybe they disagreed with something Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson said. Either way, they're probably guilty. THIRD: this vanity plate happened to be on a Hummer, H1. Those were the ridiculously large, unnecessarily pollutant ones. Again, not that religious these days, but I do recall something about how we, as humans and masters of the universe, are supposed to take care of the world. Yes, everything is under our rule and we can do with it what we want (eat cows, use birds to make our pillows fluffier, etc). But utterly wasting expensive natural resources? I think that's what the plate meant. ONLYGOD can judge me for driving this hunk of insanity through cities and not mountains as it was designed.

Free Money

to the tune of $45. Twice today I was offered a credit card. Which each offer came free money. $15 and $30. I took up neither offer. Do these gimmicks work? I mean, I like free money. That's why I go to WaWa. No ATM surcharge. It's fabulous. I'm not paying someone else $3 so I can go broke more quickly. That'd be foolish of me. Especially if I do it over and over and over and over again. Let's do the math. Say you withdraw once a month from an ATM that is not your bank's. Say their surcharge is $2.50. That's ... let me do the math (12 x 2.5 = carry the one ... ) $30! In one year. Just gone. (That is, of course, just one credit card offer above). But offering money just so that I will sign up to pay you to let me spend my own money at your store? I won't do it... throw in a t-shirt, though, and I'm sold!

So, I intended to write more, but instead I thought this would suffice for now. Plus, I can save up!