Harmonious Harlotry, or Slutting up the Summer

Is it me, or does music become raunchier and raunchier during the North American summer? I mean, is it that musicians are ultimately whores to the business and so themes generate and are strictly adhered to? Hmm, let's analyze this...

I Write Sins Not Tragedies (Panic! at the Disco)

Okay, I'm starting with this one because it annoys me. Since when do songs not rhyme? I recognize of course that there is the whole "poetic license" thing, but come on! Also, the whole point of the song is that "the poor groom's bride is a whore!" How is that an entire song? And it doesn't even make sense! "Technically our marriage is saved?" "Pour some champagne?" I think I became dumber from listening - especially since it's on every 10 minutes on HOT 99.5.

Miss New Booty (Bubba Sparxxx)

And this one began the summer! Now, I haven't had the patience to count, but I think the word "booty" is as prolific as all the other words combined! That's a little redundant if you ask me. And on top of that it doesn't actually mean anything!!! well, unless you count "your chest is just whatever" as a deep message. But I don't. And here's the beauty of the song in reference to this blog - women love this song.

Sexyback (Justin Timberlake, featuring Timbaland)

Whew! I've been waiting and waiting for sexy to finally return! I'll be honest with you - I never expected JT to be the one to return it to us. I mean, if anyone was going to bring it back, I figured it would be Orlando Bloom ... or George Clooney. For the record, women are virtually incapable of bringing it back. I mean what woman is sexy? Exactly. Now Kurt Vonnegut ... that's a sexy man. JT, however, is pretty happy to be shackled up if he misbehaves. Don't offer that! Haven't you ever heard about Angela Jones?? Now, my one hesitation about JT returning sexy to us is that he curses! I mean, I listen to the Russ Parr Morning Show periodically, and on that particular radio show, Mickey curses. But a Mouseketeer?!?! You've got to be kidding me! But, oh well...

I'm Bossy (Kelis, featuring Too $hort)

Anything Too $hort touches is going to be raunchy. That's the beginning. And let's not forget about how one person's Milkshake can, fairly easily, bring "all the boys to the yard." Just so you know, my milkshake only brings a handful of boys to the yard .. not quite all. And that saddens me. She reminds us of her uncanny ability to work her milkshake (wasn't there some controversy about what exactly a "milkshake" was??), and then goes on to talk about how she demands things of others. That's just not nice. The positive aspect of this song: At least she tried to hide it, right? I mean, let's look at Rihanna..

I Don't Wanna (Rihanna)

Then DON'T!!! It's not that hard! I mean, I don't wanna eat mushrooms...I don't! She claims that she doesn't want to cheat anymore, and yet she still walks out the door pretending that no one knows even though they both do! Baffling! She is essentially glorifying creeping regardless of how you feel emotionally ... Hmmm which is more important - Sex or a Relationship? That's a tough one (Note the sarcasm).

Buttons (Pussycat Dolls, featuring Big Snoop Dogg)

First of all, they chose to call themselves the Pussycat Dolls. Secondly, and this is only mildly related, sometimes the radio edits Snoops verse ... and takes out "Pussycat." Secondly, and don't get me wrong I'm all about the Women's movement but, the hook is "loosen up my buttons babe." Apparently, they are incapable of preparing themselves. Y'know, for whatever they need. In fact, they are essentially saying that they are far too excited and they men around them, despite their excellent game, are incapable of fulfilling their promises. And have you seen the video?

Me & U (Cassie)

The good news is she's technically of age ... but that doesn't mean that the song isn't ... umm, suggestive. I mean, everyone apparently is wondering how well she puts it down. I don't wonder. I don't care. I've already been brought to a different yard. And speaking of videos, I'm really quite tired of Flashdance rip off videos. Just her standing there dancing provocatively? Weak.

Promiscuous (Nelly Furtado, featuring Timbaland)

Umm... look at the title, dummy.
For the record, and to show just how screwy the music world is, the top 5 songs on American Top 40 for this past week were:
5 - Sexyback
4 - Me & U
3 - I Write Sins Not Tragedies
2 - Promiscuous
1 - Buttons