Changing Gears

So, in order to lighten things up here, I'm going back to amusing observations I've made recently. In fact, these observations are only a day or two old.

Cancer Gala

on August 6^th at the Rod N Reel in Calvert County, Maryland. Now, let's be fair. I included all the information I know because it's probably a very worthy cause. But, seriously... a Cancer Gala? Isn't a gala a joyous event where you try to raise money to benefit some cause or another? Oh, wait, I see what you're saying. It's an anti-cancer gala. Perhaps they are raising money to fund stem-cell research ... ... ... Oh, wait, it's Calvert County. They're probably not (though I hope they do!).

Drumming and Driving

on the Beltway no less. What really makes this especially interesting is that in many places, it is illegal to drive while talking on a handheld cell phone. But apparently, we don't need to tackle things like ... dogs on laps while driving. I mean, that's completely safe. It's not like the dog has a will of its own. I mean, it couldn't possible pee on you causing you to freak out (because you're not especially interested in R. Kelly's favorite form of foreplay) and swerve into my car. Similarly, drumming - with drumsticks - on the steering wheel - as though it was a really poor snare drum - is also acceptable.

ONLYGOD

a vanity plate. Yes, a vanity plate. Now, I'm not especially religious these days, but even during the time I was, I thought that mixing God and vanity was rather oxymoronic. However, this particular plate caught my attention for some special reasons. FIRST: it was a Maryland plate - Virginia I can understand because it has the highest per capita vanity plate of all the 50 states. But Marylanders don't have them as much. SECOND: the phrase ends with "... can judge me." Whenever people say something like - "Only God can judge me" it usually means they're guilty of something, and they feel bad about it. Maybe they didn't kill someone, but maybe they lied about something. Or maybe they didn't tithe last weekend. Or maybe they disagreed with something Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson said. Either way, they're probably guilty. THIRD: this vanity plate happened to be on a Hummer, H1. Those were the ridiculously large, unnecessarily pollutant ones. Again, not that religious these days, but I do recall something about how we, as humans and masters of the universe, are supposed to take care of the world. Yes, everything is under our rule and we can do with it what we want (eat cows, use birds to make our pillows fluffier, etc). But utterly wasting expensive natural resources? I think that's what the plate meant. ONLYGOD can judge me for driving this hunk of insanity through cities and not mountains as it was designed.

Free Money

to the tune of $45. Twice today I was offered a credit card. Which each offer came free money. $15 and $30. I took up neither offer. Do these gimmicks work? I mean, I like free money. That's why I go to WaWa. No ATM surcharge. It's fabulous. I'm not paying someone else $3 so I can go broke more quickly. That'd be foolish of me. Especially if I do it over and over and over and over again. Let's do the math. Say you withdraw once a month from an ATM that is not your bank's. Say their surcharge is $2.50. That's ... let me do the math (12 x 2.5 = carry the one ... ) $30! In one year. Just gone. (That is, of course, just one credit card offer above). But offering money just so that I will sign up to pay you to let me spend my own money at your store? I won't do it... throw in a t-shirt, though, and I'm sold!

So, I intended to write more, but instead I thought this would suffice for now. Plus, I can save up!

The Land of a 1,000 Cedars

WARNING! AHEAD! YOU MIGHT DISAGREE WITH ME. THAT'S OKAY; WE'LL STILL BE FRIENDS.



... You guessed it ... Lebanon ... some of you may have been expecting it. And now it's here. I'm not wasting time on html coding for this one; it's just outright writing.
We live in a world where "terrorism" is a buzzword. For those who haven't noticed during their lives, buzzwords tend to become frivolous to our language. Right now, a "terrorist" organization is being blamed for a "crisis in the mideast." Hezbollah (which most news-anchors are mispronouncing) entered the independent state of Israel and captured 2 soldiers while killing 3 other soldiers.

Ok. Hezbollah killed 3 soldiers and has possession of 2 others.
Ok. Israel has a right to defend herself.
Ok. Self-defense - let's look at that quickly. If I try to
punch you, an appropriate response in self-defense would be that you
~a) punch me before my hit lands
~b) kick me in the shins several times after the punch lands
~c) get some brass knuckles and beat every white kid with short hair and a beard you see for the next decade.

Well, that's a tough one. I'll let you decide for yourself. Now, Israel has its own answer - though the question was not posed to them in a Selected Response format. Here's their answer:

"This affair is between Israel and the state of Lebanon," Major-General Udi
Adam, head of Israel's Northern Command says. "Where to attack? Once it is
inside Lebanon, everything is legitimate - not just southern Lebanon, not just
the line of Hezbollah posts."
Lieutenant-General Dan Halutz, Israel's chief
of staff, says: "If the soldiers are not returned, we will turn Lebanon's clock
back 20 years."

Wow. They are clearly very serious. So the series of events of the first two days:
1st - 2 soldiers are "kidnapped," 3 are killed, then 5 more are killed in Lebanon near where he soldiers were taken (Totals: Israeli soldiers dead = 8; Israeli civilians dead = 0; Lebanese/Hezbollah soldiers dead = 0; Lebanese/Hezbollah civilians dead = 0).
2nd - Israel begins its fervent "Retrieval" efforts. They bomb the airport in Beirut's runway, effectively closing it to travel. Israel enacts an air & sea blockade of Lebanon and bombs buildings they believe house Hezbollah leaders. Hezbollah (not Lebanon) returns fire in Northern Israel (Totals: Israeli soldiers dead = 8; Israeli civilians dead = 2; Lebanese/Hezbollah soldiers dead = 0; Lebanese/Hezbollah civilians dead = 35).
Two days into the fighting.

Is there really any evidence yet that shows Israel cares at all for the loss of civilian life? None that I see. In fact, here's the updated totals - because I'm sure many of you are being inundated with information on the news - 362 total Lebanese/Hezbollah killed; 28 total Israelis killed.

Throughout this time, Israel has continued killing Palestinians in Gaza and the West Bank.

Now, I do have me a very special theory. Essentially, America is a Christian country. That is not to say that the majority of Americans are Christians either by belief or practice, but it is a Christian country. According to standard Christian beliefs, Israel is the chosen people of God. As a result, America has allied themselves with said chosen people. And the people in power truly believe that Israel is acting as the arm of God - and they have believed that for a long time. In the 1973 Arab-Israeli war, the US provided arms to Israel. Recently, we did it again.

The claim is that we are unwilling to deal with a "terrorist" organization. I guess I'm confused because I did not realize that all of Lebanon was a "terrorist" organization. That's because it isn't. Lebanon is a beautiful country .. mark that .. was a beautiful country. I've been there. I listen to news reports and read about places I've been. I know people who are frightened and worried. Civilians in Lebanon are in a panic. And that leads to ...
I was watching - while in Florida - a news feature about a Lebanese man whose town had been bombed. I can't tell you much about it because the recording was interrupted. The reporter and the man had begun running because a bomb exploded ...
... and CNN cut away from it to bring the live new conference of old information - the doctor and 2 nurses being charged in Katrina related deaths. I can't understand it. CNN.

Most information available on al-jazeera.net.
Robert Fisk, syndicated columnist, wrote a truly eye-opening article that is spot on. Please read it, regardless of your affiliation.

By the Numbers

No one can successfullly argue that our lives are not filled with numbers. Just look at a clock. For the most part, regrettable as it may be, we are ruled by time.

"What do you want to do?"

"I dunno. How much time do we have?"
Therein lies a prime example. SO here's some numbers from me. Just to give some ideas...

287.56 - the amount of money in taxes that was waived in front of me on my last paycheck
5 - the highest number of discs I have had from Netflix at any one time.
8765 - the number of items currently on my iTunes
07/11/2006(1525 EDT) - the "as of" for the previous item
34946 - the number of minutes that 8765 turns into (plus 46 seconds)
250 - the width, in pixels, of my sidebar (to your right)
3.14 - the exact number that is pi
23349.7 - the distance I travelled between August 10, 2005 and June 15, 2006 - almost exclusively between school and home
36.82 - the average fuel economy for last school year
116 - the difference, measured in cents, between the cheapest and most expensive gallon of gas I purchased last school year
348 - the number of months left on my mortgage
2.919 - my undergrad GPA
6 - the number of people (that I know of) that read this blog
33 - one of my former students' favorite numbers
10-40 - a request for time, in my old bus driver lingo
2 - fewest number of shifts I worked at a paying job
172 - the number of products with "unbiased ratings" in August 2006's Consumer Reports
3 - the number of days between when I started this post and when I posted it

... and of course:
4 8 15 16 23 42

Double Whammy

Reuters article

So, Ken Lay died yesterday. On some level, all human death is unfortunate; however, there are some deaths that are less unfortunate than others. I'm sure Mr. Lay did a handful of noble things in his life, but odds are they won't really make up for the lives he ruined in the name of greed. I say this with conviction, because he was convicted for it. My hardly subconscious joy lies in that secondary blessing of shame that lies on Wikipedia. For the record, I firmly believe that Wikipedia has the potential to destroy the world - at least the minds of our children. The above article reinforces much of what I tell my students regarding the "W" word. DON'T USE IT AS AN INFALLIBLE SOURCE. Some of my friends (one Sutton, in particular) use it as a tool to help them begin understanding certain things or to access statistics (... or whatevertheheck it is he does with it). I steer myself clear of it. I'm not especially happy that I had to type the title so often in this post, even. So says me. But who am I?

pH Balanced (When I started writing this)

So, how's this: I spent so much time trying to figure out the correct capitalization of pH that I forgot why I was going to title this posting like that. I mean, obviously it's a reference to the old Secret slogan (read: Strong enough for a man; pH Balance just for women. Sexist? They changed it anyways.) Odd. Perhaps my absent-mindedness is finally catching ... what was I saying?
Irregardlessly.
I like to consider myself ambitious (not like Macbeth, though) and generally not the "quitter" type. But I don't want to stay where I am in grad school. It's rather subpar in fulfilling my expectations. Granted, I'm not especially interested in the "education" they are giving me; nonetheless, I feel like a good program would force me, maybe subversively, to retain something and find some measure of worth in the program. It doesn't. I'm considering transferring. The last time I planned to change the school I was at was in high school - and I almost got expelled to make it happen!

I wish there were other effective ways to express a C. Montgomery Burns tone besides stupid italics ... what kind of "information age" are we really in, anyway?

I remembered why I chose that as the title - I wanted to talk about what I consider my strengths as a person.
I've always found my worth in what I could do:

• When I was a kid, I could do school.
• When I was a teenager, I could do writing.
• When I was in college, I could make money to pay for college.
• When I was a ... Now my value is mostly in my job.

I like to think I'm a decent teachist, but it's summer time. I have no kids to validate me. So I'm taking classes. I hate my classes. HATE. So I have stuff around my house that needs attention. My windows are ashambles (the actual windows, not treatments). I just finished fixing them. So I feel strong. Then I look around my office and I see the damn mess that is my life. And I feel frustrated. I've got bookshelves full of books that I want to catalogue and organize. I've got a dozen boxes of school stuff I need to sort through. I've got comic strips recently published that I need to scan for my future curriculum & for next school year. I've got old window blinds on the floor. I've got about 8 oz of caulk I need to run downstairs. And I keep misspelling words that I shouldn't misspell!!!!
Why is it that when people see something horrific, they think about it constantly, but when they see a link directing them to a video of 2 grown men playing with Diet Coke and Mentos for three minutes, they click it almost immediately?